I did not know how it feels to miss a child

I arrive on Tuesday. I will remember forever, running up the stairs, and she comes running downwards. She was smiling and prepared to meet me by Tanya, but there was some reservation in her movements for the first minutes. She took my head in her hands and watched me tightly, me holding her in my arms, but did not want to embrace me but kept some distance. Looked at Mama Tanya and me back and forth. Smiled, and again my head was in her hands, touching carefully my lips and eyes. Maybe for 1 or 2 minutes. Then the ice melted, tight embrace, kisses. I was crying, Tanya as well. I did not know how it feels to miss a child. It is a a very intense emotion, i can tell. From then on, she would not want to let me leave her even for a minute, she stuck to me the whole week and was very afraid that I would leave her again. But it was nice seeing how she and Mama Tanya bonded, these 2 weeks were very important and connecting for them. She also taught her how to use potty, I told it already and now I can see it with my eyes, amazing. And, she jumps now with both legs in the air, a milestone for a child, apparently children are very afraid of “leaving” the earth. She also taught her some new words, importantly “davai, davai” ("hurrry up" in English). And last but not least, worth mentioning, it really happened through Tanya’s help: we stopped breast feeding. She did not demand it at all the first day, but started to remember on day 2 of my arrival. When I picked her up from Kindergarten. There were tears, she was unhappy maybe for 1-2 days and kept crying and wanting and searching for my breast. But I told her that she is old enough now and that she does not need it anymore, and that she has to grow bigger now with more solid food. Her head tightly on my shoulder, I think she understood. By the end of the week, it was finally over. Little pity to let her go, maybe even more for me than for her. But there will be other things now replacing this bondage, and somehow I am also proud that I can let go. There will be many more situations like that in future. But for the time-being, I am back and again, and with her, also without breast or even especially without it, and we both enjoy it very much. Some days now in Kuopio and we leave to Austria, for holiday, work, but especially for meeting my family and cousins of Toni, i am so happy for her.


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